Quotes from TV-SitComs

Some quotes jotted down while watching some of my favourite sitcoms (Blackadder, Thin Blue Line, Fawlty Towers, Married with Children, Birds of a Feather)

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"What I drank last night would have floored a rhinoceros!"
"Yes, if it was allergic to lemonade"

On Stupid People

"They're still engaged in a search party for his brain"

"I wouldn't be surprised if there is room in his head for a three-piece suite"

"This conversation is to him like his toupet: slightly above his head"

"A conversation with you, Baldrick, and somehow, death looses its sting"

"You wouldn't recognise a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on an harpsichord singing 'Subtle plans are here again'"

"Leave me alone, Baldrick. If i'd wanted to talk to a vegetable i would have bought one at the market"

"If we do happen to step on a mine, sir, what do we do?"
"The usual procedure is to jump 200 feet up into the air and scatter oneself over a large area"

On Fat People

"If having your own career is a crime than so is not having a waist"

"That woman was so fat they had to tattoo zip codes on her thighs"

"A fat woman came clipclopping into my shoe store this afternoon. She said: "I want something I can feel comfortable in". So I told her to try Wyoming".

On Sex-obsessed Women

"She has spent more time staring at ceilings than Michelangelo"

"Jojo-knickers!"

"She has margarine legs: 'Easily spread' "

"Zelda!? You mean 'bury-me-in-a-Y-shaped-coffin' Zelda!?"

On Men With No Sexual Drive

"If his sex drive were the norm the human race would be extinct"

"The only horny thing on him are the buttons on his coat"